It was a disturbing morning, and I mean that in the best possible way.

To “disturb,” as defined by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, is to “destroy the tranquility or composure of.”

Sitting among other moms of young children one morning this week, I listened to a longtime local educator lay it out plainly, just how far out of whack things have become for the kids she sees everyday in her school.

I doubt there was a drop of tranquility in the room to be had, nor should there have been.

As she shared a long list of the “bad news,” I know my stomach churned. 

It was uncomfortable to hear that the norm for many local kids has become win and achieve at all costs, and to listen to her first-hand experiences of how the consequences of that mentality are playing out.

It was sad to hear that competition has become so unhealthy that young athletes are confiding in her that they now hate the sport they play (and have been since they were very young); yet they continue to feel the pressure to compete because, “their parents hope they will get a scholarship.” 

It was alarming to learn that the numbers of children with allergies (some life threatening) has grown so exponentially, and also that one in four students now are exhibiting learning style differences, which means “the traditional educational style is not working for them.”

Though she also shared with us what we can do about it, it didn't calm the worry.

She told us that following her advice would certainly make us "weird" amongst our peers, and we would often feel like we are swimming upstream, hard.

Yet, this isn’t new news.

It feels like I’ve heard or read this story on loop for the last five years since I became a mother.

Auditoriums seemingly have been packed with people flocking to watch the lightening rod documentary “Race to Nowhere.” For a time, it seemed like it was the thing of the moment to do.

Yet, has anything changed?

Have we noticed that our kids, like canaries in the coalmine, have stopped singing?

This is the root of my dismay.

I get it; there are plenty of real and valid reasons to be concerned, and to want to prepare our kids for the world we now live in.

The competition here and elsewhere is unbelievable. It's a fact.

Incidentally, in my experience, people often share this observation in almost slightly pained undertones, so as not to burst the bubble about what a great place this is for families.

Several people had stories about their friends' kids, who despite astronomical GPAs and superlative resumes, full of activities, volunteering and athletics, were having a hard time getting into the (multiple) colleges they applied to—and we weren't talking about Ivy League schools.

Listening to them, I admit, I had to fight a measure of worry about my choices thus far, just five years in.

So, I understand a parent hearing those stories and feeling they should sign up their kid for a Mandarin Chinese immersion program at 3 years old, and hire the tutors in middle school to equip them and give them an edge to compete in the future.

Yet, doesn’t it make you a little curious that many of the most technologically elite among us in Silicon Valley are choosing in many ways an opposite path, and sending their kids to a Waldorf school, profiled recently on the NBC Nightly News?

There their kids are taught to work collaboratively, engage their creativity, and are not even allowed to be on computers until they are beyond their elementary years?

I want to clarify my tone here. I am clearly a newbie to this parenting thing. 

I don’t speak from a position of long in-the-trenches experience or expertise. I don’t think I have “the right way to parent”—I’m figuring it out moment to moment, just like most parents I know.

I am also aware of the committed and stellar educators our kids are lucky to have here.

It's just that it feels as if I've walked into a new room in my life, and I'm noticing quite a sizable elephant there that everyone is taking pains to tiptoe around.

I'm trying to understand why on earth people accept this? I'm also trying to figure out how my family is going to handle it?

So, I'm cornering some of you in that room with me and asking you, "How can you bemoan what’s happening in the lives of your kids, and be deeply disturbed by it in one moment, yet play right back into it?" 

Of course, the irony is not lost on me that as I explain my concerns about this issue, I am also planning to attend a talk to check out a specialized elementary school program for my incoming Kindergartener.

That’s why I say it was good to be disturbed by the talk I attended this week, because walking into this next presentation, I will have some other pressing criteria with which to evaluate this opportunity for my children.

I will be asking myself, "Will my children sing in this environment, or go silent before they have even begun?"