Community Corner

End of the World — Better Cut Loose

Patch Editor David Mills has a busy schedule for what he's going to do around the Bay Area for his last day on Earth.

 I have a long “to do list” for Friday.

 Why? Simple.

 It’s the last full day we all have on Earth.

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Harold Camping, a minister with Oakland-based Family Stations Inc., has told us the world is going to end Saturday.

He says he’s used mathematical calculations to come up with the date.

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Sure, the critics question his formula. Sure, they point out that he predicted the same thing in 1994.

Me? I’m taking Camping at his word. If he’s right, we will all want to take advantage of his early warning system.

Therefore, I’ve planned a busy and dangerous Friday.  All the things I’ve wanted to do but have been too scared or cautious to do, I’m doing on this day. What have I got to lose?

I’m starting early in the morning with a parachute jump.  And not one of those where you’re tethered to an instructor or the chute is pulled open as you jump out of the plane.

I want to free-fall 10,000 feet before I pull the cord on my parachute — that I packed myself.

Where will I take this leap of faith? In Livermore, where it’s nice and windy. I also will guide myself toward the Altamont windmills, where I hope to float between the bird-killing blades.

If I survive that, I’ll hop on a rented motorcycle. I’ll speed through the morning commute without a helmet on my way to San Francisco.

At Ocean Beach, I’ll hop into a small boat for a sail to the choppy waters off the Farallon Islands. Once there, I’ll put on some scuba gear and dive into the murky water. I’ve always wanted to see a great white shark up close, and there are plenty of them there.

If I’m lucky, I’ll have a nice, bloody cut from the Altamont windmills to attract them.

If I’m not eaten, I’ll get a bite of lunch. A blowfish at a disreputable restaurant would be just the thing.  Three shots of tequila with it would be perfect.

Before I leave town, I’ll gun the motorcycle through the “S curve” of the Bay Bridge over that 35 mph limit.  Then I’ll speed down Interstate 880 for one last look at the twin cities of San Leandro and San Lorenzo.

I’ll also be sure to zoom through the construction on Castro Valley Boulevard in Castro Valley.  I’ll even try to make a left turn through all those roadblocks. That should make for some exciting moments.

Then… I’ll drop by downtown Walnut Creek to do some shopping at Broadway Plaza. I’ll max out my credit cards at Nordstrom and the other stores buying stuff I don’t need. Why not? I won’t have to pay them off.

For dinner, I’ll head to Dublin and eat at the new Five Guys restaurant. I’ll probably order two or three double cheeseburgers. Who cares how many fat grams they have?

In the evening, I’ll cruise through all the nighttime construction on Interstate 680 in the San Ramon Valley. It will be nice to see that work come to an end.

Then it’s on to downtown Danville, where I will hit one of the bars. Since the end of the world will be hours away, I’ll drink a couple of pitchers of my favorite beer. I’ll chat with the folks sitting at the bar with me. You never know whom you’ll meet or whether they might be trying to set you up for a felony arrest. I will take a cab home. I don’t want to watch The Rapture from a jail cell.

It’ll be quite a day, although I do have one concern.

I sure hope Camping is right. If he’s wrong, well… Sunday is my wife’s birthday, and I won’t be in any shape to provide her with a proper celebration.


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