Stephen Colbert razzes "Nuts Creek," Lawrence Livermore lab; proposes marriage to U.S. Rep. Garamendi

When Walnut Creek Patch police beat columnist, Creek Diva, tipped me off to the fact that Walnut Creek earned a mention on the Colbert Report Wednesday night, I wondered, "How did Stephen Colbert manage to  connect Walnut Creek to Anthony Weiner?"

After all, aren't all the comedians having fun with the New York congressman's admission that he sent tweets to women containing photos of his private parts?

No, Walnut Creek did not figure into the butt (he-he) of any joke about Weiner by the host of Comedy Central's faux political talk show.

Then again, Colbert managed to make a joke about male anatomy out of the name he said settlers originally gave to the town at the crossroads of Contra Costa County: "Nuts Creek." As Colbert uttered "Nuts Creek,"  an image flashed behind him of a Walnut Creek Historical Society article about the  "Nuts Creek"  name. So, hey, the society enjoyed its moment in the Comedy Central limelight, too.

Colbert said the town's name was later changed to Walnut Creek to "avoid confusion with the nearby village of Testicle Falls." 

OK, before I continue down the kind of path that led to Weiner's political disgrace, I should say that Walnut Creek was not the focus of Colbert Report's segment. Rather it was mentioned in Part 66 of Colbert's 434-part series, "Know Your District." He's referring to America's congressional districts and apparently on a quest to profile them all.

Last night, Colbert highlighted California's 10th congressional district, which stretches from Solano County (home of the Jelly Belly factory), down through Nuts Creek and the San Ramon Valley and over to Livermore. This segment on the "Fighting 10th" ended with a classic Colbert interview with U.S. Rep. John Garamendi, the man, Colbert said, "who has the buttered popcorn jelly beans to represent Nuts Creek."

Before breaking into the interview, Colbert mentioned that the 10th district is also the location of  Lawnrence Livermore National Laboratory, "home of the world’s most powerful laser." With more than  quadrillion watts, Colbert said, the laser is powerful enough to "scan groceries as far away as Ohio."

The district also contains the world's longest burning lightbulb, Livermore's Centennial Lightbulb, at the Livermore-Pleasanton Fire Station 1. It has been illuminated for more than 100 years, evidently, Colbert said, because the community "lacks people of sufficient ethnicity or hair color to change it."

Garamendi (D-Walnut Creek) willingly or not played  the straight man to Colbert, doing his schtick as the obnoxious, alarmist, blowhard journalist. Colbert poked fun at Garamendi, interviewed in his Washington D.C. office, for not actually living in the 10th district. This was an issue that came up in the 2009 special election to replace former Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher.  After Garamendi explained that his Walnut Grove property lies right on the border between the 10th and 3rd districts, Colbert teased the congressman, saying that "the 10th is a nice place to represent but you wouldn't want to live there. You and your rich buddies in the third look down on the 10th?"

When Garamendi asserted that District 3 is not wealthy, Colbert asked, "well, why do you want to live there?"

Colbert then confirmed Garamedi's opposition to Proposition 8, the state measure that sought to ban gay marriage. This exchange ensued:

Colbert: "If I wanted to marry a man, you'd support that?"

Garamendi: "I would."

Colbert: "Would you marry me?"

Garamendi: "Uh."

Colbert: "I'm not really asking you to marry me. I'm just asking theoretically. If I was gay and you were gay, would you marry me?"

Garamendi: "I’m not sure you’re my type. Don’t take that as an insult."

Garamendi, a former California lieutenant governor, added that he had been quite happily married to his wife, Patty, for 46 years.

In a discussion on Garamendi's "strong enviromental record," Garamendi said: "You can call me a tree hugger."

Ever the hard-nosed reporter, Colbert pressed: "Do you ever go further than that, a little under the leaf over the bark action? Do you support man/tree marriage? If you support gay marriage, a man and a man, why not a man and a tree? Where do you draw the line?"

"I think you just did," Garamendi dead-panned.

You can see the full segment and the Garmendi interview at Colbert Nation.

Technical difficulties today are making it difficult to upload photos.