No Easy Way Out When a Stranger Attacks

The nightmare: You wake up from a sound sleep, and there's a man in your room. Or, you open your front door to a stranger, something you know you shouldn't do-- but you do it anyway. In either case, the man grabs you and slaps his hand over your mouth. He tells you to shut up--or else something bad will happen. But you know something bad will happen anyway.

For three young women living in Walnut Creek's Park Regency complex, this nightmare became a reality over the past six weeks.

One of these woman, 23, was raped in an attack July 6. The victim in the most recent incident, on Tuesday morning, scared off the man who startled her in her apartment by reportedly grabbing a can of pepper spray and letting him have it. The first victim, on June 30, opened her front door to the stranger, then cried out when the man grabbed her, alerting her boyfriend who was in the next room. 

These three women all faced a sudden and terrifying threat: being confronted by an unknown assailant in their homes.

Rhonda James, the executive director of Community Violence Solutions and Rape Crisis Center of Marin and Contra Costa Counties, agreed that it's not common for women to be attacked in their homes by strangers--despite the headlines and community fear these sorts of crimes generate.

Most rape victims, in fact, are not assaulted by strangers. Depending on which studies you read, up to three quarters of all rape victims are attacked by someone they know—a relative, boyfriend, husband, or by men they meet while out socializing.

James, who lives in Walnut Creek, described the Park Regency attacks as "bizarre." She adds that they put victims in a uniquely vulnerable position--one that is the stuff of our worst nightmares.

Imagine—or maybe you don't want to—being taken by surprise in your home, a place you have had good reason to assume would be safe. Now, you're trapped in this enclosed place. Will anyone hear you if you scream?

You also have no clue as to how sick, angry, violent or cruel this assailant is. What will convince him to leave you alone and go away? What will set him off? What exactly does he want? How painful and humiliating will it be? How long will it go on? Will you make it out alive?

Unfortunately, James said, it's not possible to offer an easy list of  tips that anyone could mentally summon in this kind of situation.

There are prevention measures you can employ, such as those offered by the Contra Costa Sheriff's Department: Always lock your doors and windows; don't open your door to strangers, and call police if you see anyone suspicious. 

But no precaution is fail safe, James said.  If measures fail for whatever reason, and a woman finds herself confronted by an assailant, she can best protect herself by trusting her instincts and doing what she can to stay alive. "The only strategy is to stay alive," James said.

Some women decide to fight back, to grab for that can of pepper spray or the hard object to use as a weapon. The element of surprise can work in your favor, just as it does for the perpetrator, James said.

Fighting back and trying to escape might be the best option if the assailant decides to take you with him to another location, James said. 

But if the perpetrator stays put, a woman's instinct might tell her to not resist and to cooperate, out of the hope and the possibility that he will get what he wants and leave as soon as possible.

"If you choose to fight, that's the right thing to do. If you choose to do nothing, that's the right thing to do, too," James said.

James has worked with women who have survived the trauma of rape but who berate themselves for what  they supposedly could have done differently. She said it's hard to say which strategy—fighting back or cooperating—is ever best. Every situation is different. 

"You don't know what is going to make an assailant angry," she said. "With some, the more you fight, the more excited they become. But with others, it makes them angry."

Some women have survived these ordeals by not only cooperating but by flattering their assailants and pretending to empathize with them, she said.

She cites what is now accepted wisdom among experts who have studied the pathology of sexual predators. "It's not so much about sex," she said. "It's about sexualized aggression. Most perpetrators like the violent power piece. They aren't there desiring sex. They are desiring humiliation and power."

James wants any victim of sexual assault to know she should not beat herself up over how she chooses to deal with such difficult situation.  "The big message I want to convey is that if you survive, you're the victor." 

The assailant in these three attacks remains at large. 

In all three cases, the suspect is described as an African American male, about 6 feet 2 inches. In all three cases he was also wearing dark clothing. In the most recent case, he was sporting facial hair and a dark hooded sweatshirt. The victims in the previous two cases said he was between 20 and 30 years. old. 

Detectives are also asking anyone with information about these incidents to call them at (925) 313-2625.