Wednesday, Jan. 30
9:25am – In an egregious act of horrendous proportions, someone stole a teddy bear and a CVS basket from the 1100 block of S. California Blvd. The karmic implications of stealing a teddy bear must be staggering.
1:45pm – A woman on the 300 block of Masters Court reported coming home from picking up the kids from school, and finding a lizard with a nail through its head on her welcome mat. Police determined that no crime had been committed, but then no one consulted the Reptile Squad.
7:36pm – A man was arrested after Target employees identified him as a person who had stolen at least 18 items from the store; apparently he had a weapon that could cut the restraints off of the displayed iPads. He found himself with no technology in the restraint of county jail.
Thursday, Jan. 31, 2013
5:53am – A woman and man were arrested on the 2700 block of N. Main St. for assault, and another man arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. And it wasn’t even 6 a.m. yet. A few minutes later, another man was arrested at the same spot for public drunkenness. What kind of goings-on were causing such a ruckus so early? Quiet little town, indeed.
3:51pm – On the 1100 block of S. California Blvd., meanwhile, a young man tried to pass off several counterfeit $20 bills, but the clerks spotted them for phonies, and the young man ran off into the afternoon.
5:32pm – A man was arrested on the 1000 block of S. Main St. after several citizens restrained him for trying to purchase $3,000 worth of goods with someone else’s name and information.